What is it with Anglosaxons and their deep infatuation with bacon? The Brits, the Aussies, the Canadians and especially the Americans have an extraordinarily deep and complex relationship with these pink and white slices of salted pork belly. And so it seems that they are no longer content just having bacon for breakfast, but that they can pretty much fill their entire day with the stuff. I did some searching on the internet and found truly horrendous bacon-infused inventions, that have thankfully not made it over to Europe yet…
So… we can start our day with bacon-flavored tea or bacon-flavored coffee… And after breakfast, we pick our teeth with bacon toothpics and floss with bacon yarn, before we brush our teeth with bacon-flavored toothpaste and then gargle with our bacon-flavored mouthwash, just to hang on to that delicious salty-sweety-fatty taste in our mouths. Heck, we can even enhance that delightful aroma by popping a few bacon-flavored Tic-Tacs!
We spritz some bacon-scented perfume behind our ears, and sit in our car inhaling the delicious scents from our bacon air freshener. And we then get through the day with bacon-flavored Coke, bacon-flavored Hummus, bacon-flavored candy, lollipops, Oreo cookies… and if a sudden craving for bacon grabs us, we can even take a swig of bacon-flavored water… or inhale some bacon-infused air from an oxygen canister!
Back home, we can end our (bacon-covered) meal -with which we drank bacon cabernet sauvignon!- with some Ben & Jerry’s bacon icecream, or perhaps we are more in the mood for some bacon-flavored chocolates and a nightcap of bacon-vodka. And then it’s off to bed, for a romantic encounter involving a bacon scented candle by the bed, bacon-flavored lubricant and bacon-flavored condoms that even lóók like a bacon rasher…! Now if that isn’t taking love for bacon too far, I don’t know what does. But should the condom burst, and a baby is born from all this baconmania, rest assured… there’s even bacon-flavored formula for babies.